going there.

Life gets messy.

It's ugly. It's painful. It's needed.

No matter how pretty ones life may appear,

you can bet your bum, there will be smudges.

Today I waddled in smudges...not pretty people.

Chores that have to be done.

 Feelings of helplessness.

My youngest is suffering from what we think is reflux and needs to see a specialist on Friday.

Could y'all pray?

My "to do" boards that were supposed to help me better manage my time..

remain blank

All of those things I expect in life


It's when my faith feels faint and I doubt.

Why Lord?

Why must everything be so hard sometimes?

Every Wednesday I attend a class at church.

I surround myself in His word.

I breathe it in. I live it out.

Why then do I still suffer and doubt?

There is no doubt I believe.

I trust HIM and what He says is true.

It's my heart that I don't trust.

Hearts break and try to justify.

Hearts fail you...even your own at times.

I'm reminded today not to trust my human heart,

my tired body and mind.

It will fail me.

My heart is so good at making excuses...

Can you relate?

I love this..

I'm thankful for my human heart and my shaky knees.

I'm thankful for the Earth that sometimes crumbles under my feet.

For when I'm at my lowest...

He. Is. Near

I feel His love and my doubtful heart takes the backseat.

And tonight.. it's not my heart that I'm following.

If it were I would be lost!

Thank you for being here to allow my soul to vent.

Thank you for your prayers for Maddy.

It's nice to know I'm not traveling this journey alone.

 Maybe one day our smudges will turn into a beautiful masterpiece ;)

xoxo Susie


  1. Oh, Susie! I don't come by as often as I would like but I felt I should tonight. I'm so glad I did! Yes, I'll be praying for Maddy...and you, dear one. You have expressed so well what happens to all of us at times. Aren't we glad we have a God who holds us even when we're falling down and we can lean on Him no matter what! Hang on, sweetie. Joy comes in the morning!
    Shelia ;)

  2. ((hugs)).... psalm 13:1-6. but especially the promise of vs. 5&6. keep looking up my friend.

    1. Thank you Sara for sharing the scripture. ((hugs))

  3. Words seem to fail me right now, Susie, but know that you are being held close. Held close in prayer for the weight that sometimes seems to crush us. Held close by those that understand the sometimes overwhelming. Most importantly, held close by the One who created you. May there be joy, light, and relief in your near future. Prayers for all.

  4. sending hugs and prayers and arms to hold your fragile heart, and hands to help you stand strong, but most of all prayers for grace and peace. .;j

    1. Thank you Joanne for your prayers. Grace and Peace have been felt in a huge way ((hugs))

  5. Susie, when you are feeling like this, God does his best work with you.....Just stay in touch with Him....

    1. Boy does HE! I get so caught up in my day thinking I'm in control most of the time. Then when I mess it up... He is there. :)

  6. There's this song I've been LOVING lately by Audrey Assad called Carry Me. It is totally about this topic. Even when we suffer, we're blessed. Check it out on iTunes or Amazon.

    1. Thank you for sharing that song jennifer. I'm going take a listen right now. ((hugs))

    2. "As I carry this cross.. you'll carry me" I love this song!! Thank you for sharing jennifer. I'm going to keep this one close :)

  7. Keeping Maddy in my prayers.

    I was diagnosed with reflux a few months ago (actually, they called it "lazy esophagus"...which I found insulting! ha)

    The worst part is the barium swallow study, but it's over fairly quickly.

    Tell your little sweetie she is in the hearts of a lot of people!

  8. What a lovely post. Prayers for you and yours. Kim

  9. Great words of encouragement. His love does indeed carry us! Adding my prayers for your youngest.

  10. Remember that God will carry you during these difficult times. Let Him.

  11. Prayers for Maddy and for you......

  12. Prayers for you and your girlie. Thank you for this beautiful post. Made me take a second look at my smudges and made me remember HE is NEAR. You are a lovely writer and a lovely example of how to BE (and I learned that first hand, not just from this sweet post). xoxo

  13. thanks for sharing what was on your heart. You are not alone. Thanks also for the reminder that we aren't here to please others and worry what they think. We should only worry about what God thinks.

  14. Speaking of just adding your favorite jacket, Bandage Dress Lubov almost always wears Herve Leger separates.Perhaps because of Herve Leger Replica how we show our pieces, or just the assumed way of Herve Leger, Oktoberfest outfit people tend to wear our collections together, as one piece. But I like them as separates; it’s almost cooler,” she says. “I would put this jacket with a pair of jeans or a work skirt. And of course it all Animal Costumes but if you’re in L.A., you just wear the skirt with a T-shirt. The great thing about Herve separates is that it adds high fashion glamour to any number of basic pieces you already own.”depends on where you live,


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