Still.....


When school let out yesterday Jesse came home full of excitement and energy. He tossed his cap and gown on the table and started planning their next move. He and his friend Blake agreed on the rope swing. My dad has a camp on the river and Jesse knows the place well. They were sure to meet up with many other seniors.

I held my breath knowing all the dangers and the "could be's" and did the Mom spill. He assured me that he would be fine and there was no drinking. The Wildlife Rangers frequent there and they knew the consequences of drinking.

I let him go all the while having a gut feeling. I'm sure I will have that feeling often due to the fact he will be heading to Florida in days. I looked at his cap and gown and knew that my son had just grown up and I had to let him go. I had to trust that he would take what we have planted in his heart and hold tight to it. I had to release my mothers hold on him and let him go. I had to let him go ...

The house this morning was quiet and still....

30 comments:

  1. With tears in my eyes, I read your post and know that my day is coming soon (28 days). I can feel your emotion! We've done our job to the best of our ability and now we have to watch and pray:)
    How is the other boy?

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  2. I'm feel so horrible for you, your son, the other boys family and your community! I know there isn't anything you can say to make him think he couldn't have done more -- hopefully in time he will realize this. I'm sending good and uplifting thoughts your direction!

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  3. I can't even imagine...praying for the family of your son's friend.

    My boys are at a rope swing right now. It's our family hang out, and I shared yesterday's story with them. Ultimately, the sovereignty of God is what I cling to.

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  4. GULP... my oldest is just finishing up his sophmore year, will return to school after summer break a junior and I have a sinking feeling these next two high school years are going to go twice as fast as the first two... Wasn't just at his 8th grade promotion... I am so not ready...

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  5. I'm so sorry for the lost in your community and the sorry you and your son are feeling. My little brother graduates next year and, while he lives only minutes away now, will likely move across the country. It's a little difficult to breathe when I think about it. It also makes me sad that he will be moving away only a year after our adoption happens. Only one year with his nieces or nephews. *sigh* Life is scary. Big hugs to you. And, PRAISE THE LORD that your son came home.

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  6. Thoughts are with you and your son while you are both going through this!!

    Hugs~T

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  7. Susie, I am so heart broken for your family & theirs. I jst couldn't imagine what everyone must be feeling. It was a freak accident & no one is to blame.

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  8. *gulp...sigh....
    I've been there...done that...
    It IS hard but also there will be such a good feeling for you when you see him doing well "out in the world"..you'll be so proud!
    The boy that was missing at the rope ?????

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  9. I'm sorry...I'd not read your post note....
    I am heartbroken for all concerned.

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  10. I hope your son, his friends and all those involved find the strength to move on. It's hard enough as a parent to deal with the emotions of graduation, I can't fathom having to deal with this type of loss as well. I will think of you, your son and his friends as graduation arrives.

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  11. I am so sorry for your son and the way that your family must feel. I am sorry that he has to go through such a difficult situation. I am praying that God will give you some sense of peace in the midst of such a sad time.

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  12. Your sweet post brought tears to my eyes. I am praying for peace for all of your grieving hearts. May the Lord wrap his loving arms around you all.

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  13. I am so touched by your recent posts about your son. I remember those days and they were difficult ones. You want them to grow-up, but you don't. You want them to make their own decisions, but you don't. You want them to fly, but you don't. Being a Mama is not an easy job. You can do it.

    Charla

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  14. Susie, what happened with the missing boy? From the comments it doesn't sound good, but I never saw an update. I pray that there is good news!!! Please let me know!

    Darlene

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  15. Oh Susie-
    There are no words to express my sadness for what happened. I immediately began praying as soon as I heard yesterday. God must have bigger plans for him now. You must let your son know it wasn't his fault. I will continue to pray for you & your family's loss. This must be a difficult time.

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  16. Mabry's GammaMay 07, 2009

    susie,

    Been there done that three times and it is hard but we have to believe that all that we instill in them they will remember. I read your other post and I am so terribly sorry to hear about Jesse's friend. I just can't even imagine how your son feels or that boy's family. My heart and prayers go out to your family and the family of Jesse's friend.

    Cheri

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  17. I am so very sorry for the loss that your family and the whole community has suffered.

    Stacey

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  18. Hi Dear Susie. Oh, my heart goes out to you and your son and the family of his friend. What a hard day, I'm sure. It's hard being a mom sometimes, but you've got what it takes, Dear One.
    Blessings,
    Shelia ;0

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  19. Prayers for you all, Susie. I wish I knew what else to say. I was hoping against all hope that the outcome would be different.

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  20. That's the hardest thing we're called to do isn't it?

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  21. Hi Susie, thought of you all day and your son and what you must feel and be going through...feeling guilty yet so relieved Jesse is alive. I know your heart aches...I don't even know this family and yet as a mother I can feel the pain very vividly. So sorry...
    I am praying for the final days for your family, graduation and the accomplishment of high school. You are thought of fondly by me...I am praying...that God orders your steps, protects your children, and holds you closely in His arms.
    Lovingly
    Debbie

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  22. I too have tears in my eyes. I am so sorry. As a mother now I know how my mom must have felt every time I left the house. I know now that she just loved me more than I ever could have known. He (your son) will know that one day way more than he will ever know now. When the day comes that he is a father he will understand how you felt. I had a similar situation happen to me when I was in high school that happened to your son... I know what you are going through and what he is going through. Just let him know how you feel - talk to him about it. He may not want to talk but talk to him and he will listen.

    I am assuming he is coming to Florida to go to college? Where in Florida? I live in Florida by 3 of the big colleges.

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  23. AnonymousMay 07, 2009

    so sad, i have 3 boys, GOD BLESS!

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  24. I was so hoping to read a better update on your last post. I'm just so sorry.

    -Hayley

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  25. My, I am going to have the same feelings when my little ones leave the nest. Ugh..the next 15-18 years is gonna fly by! Hopefully, they'll go to college local and still stay with us. :P

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  26. I am just seeing your update on the other boy and I sit here crying - for his parents, for your son, for such a loss. It's hard to remember in times like this that God has a plan.

    I hope time can heal your son's heart.

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  27. Just read your last post and this one. My daughter graduates this year as well and my son was an 06 grad. A mother is on an emotional rollercoaster at the last few weeks of a child's Senior year, but to have this tragedy mar what should be one of the most exciting times in a child's life to this point is just heart wrenching. I will pray for the boys family as well as yours that comfort is found.

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  28. this is the point i suppose, when you have to trust you've done your best...and i'm sure you have! what a great kid!

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  29. I know just how you feel...Even though Tabitha is 29 now it was just yesterday that I drove her to college and that seemed to be the worst day for me as my baby was leaving home to a whole new world....now I have Jamison to be ready for in two more years and so the story will start over again. Oh and then Lexi will be there beofre I know it but I will probably be pushing my walker...lol
    Let me back up and start all over again....

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  30. Such a difficult time. I'm not looking forward to that time when my son gets there. We have to place them in God's hands and cover them in prayer.

    You have a great son. He and his friends cared for his friend and did all they could.

    Ruth

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